I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
