just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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