I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize