No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
