you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
