can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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