We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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