It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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