i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
