do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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