Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
