He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
