u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
