Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You need a sexual gate keeper
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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