Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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