If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
