to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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