Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
