if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
