You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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