guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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