I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
