I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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