this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
