FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
