I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
