So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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