felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
