He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
