I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I touched a dick in church today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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