Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
