I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
