So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
