my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
