so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need moral support for this bender
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
