you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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