Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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