I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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