do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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