I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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