I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just pynch a tree in the face
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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