no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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