She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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