Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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