Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
