Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
