I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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