He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My ATM looks so different sober.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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