when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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