True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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