U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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