shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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