what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
