He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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