In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
