oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
