HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
