i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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