I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize