Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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