Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
