sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
