I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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