Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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