I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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