nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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