I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
