Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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